#778: The crimson flags of unsolicited reassurances.

I fucking love the “couch of plausible deniability”. I remember reading a study which found that the men with the lowest chances of committing infidelity don’t just have the self control to not cheat; they have the self control to not even put themselves in a situation where they might be tempted to cheat. For me, I know that I’d have a really hard time not kissing girls, so I don’t make monogamous commitments to jealous guys.

Captain Awkward

Dear Captain Awkward,

I’m currently over 2 years into a poly relationship with a wonderful person. Our policy is that we’re both free to have casual sex, and we’ll treat dating people on a case by case basis. The majority of our relationship has been long distance, but I very recently moved to live a few blocks away from them.

Partner has a friend who was also known them for as long as I have. Over the course of our relationship, they’ve grown very close. Every time I heard about Friend from Partner for the first year or so, they kept assuring me they were “just friends” and that they’d never be interested in anything more with him, even though I didn’t ask for that assurance.

Then, Partner asked me if they could do nonsexual kink things with Friend, which I was okay with. This came with more assurances that…

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Another post about rape

I don’t think any piece of writing has ever described my life & experiences so clearly. & for the people who will claim to be exceptions to this gendered programming… yeah, some people are more or less sensitive or resilient when it comes to social pressures. But that doesn’t somehow prove they don’t exist. & all this shit applies to trans people too, because they’re absorbing the messages meant for their gender as well as for their sex.

Fugitivus

By the by, I consistently use that title because I mean for it to operate as a trigger warning. I write a lot about rape, but sometimes I write about other things, and I don’t want anybody taken off-guard transitioning from “help computer” into wtf rape-talk. Case you were wondering.

I was re-reading my five billion goddamn posts about rape and force, and I realized (surprise!) there is a more succinct way for me to express what I was thinking. I tend to go on and on, circling a subject, trying to get out everything in my head that possibly relates to it, and then sometimes find I didn’t really address the subject at all. So, here is what I wanted to say in those five billion posts about rape:

If women are raised being told by parents, teachers, media, peers, and all surrounding social strata that:

  • it is not…

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Coconut Milk Berry Smoothie (Keto)

8oz Servings: 3 Calories per Serving: 242 Net Carbs per Serving: 5

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups Coconut Milk (13oz can)
  • 1/2 cup Berries of your choice*
  • 2-3 squirts of Liquid Stevia
  • 4 Ice Cubes
  • Optional: other healthy fats, whey protein, etc.

Instructions:

  1. Pour the entire can of coconut milk into your blender
  2. Add 1/2 cup of berries to the blender
  3. Add 2 squirts of liquid Stevia, & any extra ingredients
  4. Blend on high for about 10 seconds
  5. Add the 4 ice cubes, then use the ice setting to blend all of the ingredients together
  6. You drink it. Duh 🙄

“I’m just not ready for a relationship,” Translated

From a text I sent to one of my female friends who is enjoying being single & on her own, for the first time in nearly 2 decades:

That’s really cool 😊 I’m so glad you’re enjoying yourself. I definitely enjoyed the 1.5 years I spent (mostly) single, & it took a lot to make me “settle down” so to speak :p It helps that this relationship isn’t inherently the end of sexual adventure; it just means I now have a partner in crime 😉

Your last message reminded me of something I’ve tried several times to explain to a couple of my more oblivious male friends (unfortunately with limited success :/) I sometimes feel like I’m translating woman-speak; not because women are these inherently mysterious alien creatures, of course, but because most of us have internalized the cultural messages that we have to tiptoe around the male ego, lest a man feel sad, or worse, angry :/

Anyway, the thing I’ve found myself repeating is that when a woman says “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now,” she isn’t lying… but as is the case with a lot of the “soft no’s” women learn to give men, the subtext you should always add to the end of the sentence is “with you.”

& of course a lot of women really aren’t ready/don’t want to be in a relationship at that point in their lives. But the other thing I try to drive home is that someday, she’s going to meet someone who changes her mind about that. & she’s already met you. You’re not going to be that guy. Waiting around assuming she’ll eventually decide she is ready to date again will just mean seeing her decide to start dating someone else.

Sorry for all that, I know I’m preaching to the choir :p Just something I’ve found frustrating with some of my male friends, especially when we were in our late teens/early 20s. Most of my boys are really careful & conscientious, but a couple can occasionally be self-deluding dipshits 😅

Fruit Coffee Cake & Cobbler Recipes

These are some of my original fruit coffee cake & fruit cobbler recipes. I’ll be adding a few more types of cobbler as I figure them out.

UPDATE: I’ve added a recipe, & a photo, in case you end up with leftover coffee cake batter & a can of pears.

image

…Yes, that is the shape of a cock & balls, in profile, made out of raspberries, on top of a raspberry coffee cake.

Continue reading “Fruit Coffee Cake & Cobbler Recipes”

kidvelociraptor’s Original Muffin Recipe

I’d like to think that I’ve perfected a muffin recipe base that can be easily altered to create any flavor. All one needs to do is add in the extra ingredients at the appropriate time, such as flavoring extracts, liqueurs, spices, ground zest, berries, fruits, jam, chocolate chips, crushed cookies or candy bars, candy pieces, nuts, food dye, cinnamon & brown sugar in melted butter, etc. Give it a try!

kidvelociraptor’s Basic Muffin Recipe
(Makes 12 XL Muffins & 12 Minis)

Ingredients:
1 cup Oil or 2 Sticks Butter
1.5 cups White Granulated Sugar
1 pinch Salt
1 Tsp Vanilla Extract
(Optional: Food Dye, Flavor Extracts, Liqueur, Spices, Zest, etc.)
2 Eggs (Optional: 1 Egg + 3 Tbsp Egg White from carton)
1.5 cups Milk or Yogurt
1 1/2 Tbsp Baking Powder
4 cups All-Purpose Flour (Optional: Try substituting 1 cup of Cake Flour)
(Optional: Berries, Fruit, Nuts,
White or Milk Chocolate Chips, etc.)

Directions:
1) In a large mixing bowl, melt butter, then cream with granulated sugar.
2) Add ingredients to batter in the order listed above, making sure to blend thoroughly before & after adding milk & eggs.
3) Mix in the baking powder & flour last, stirring until batter is thoroughly blended. (If adding fruit or berries, do so now.)
4) Preheat oven to 420 F. Line a muffin pan with paper baking cups, then fill each cup with batter. Bake for 15-20 min.

🔴 Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake 🔴
Muffins:

Filling Ingredients:
1/3 cup Melted Butter
1/3 cup Brown Sugar
1 Tbsp Cinnamon

Topping Ingredients:
1/2 cup Room-Temp Butter
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
1/2 cup Flour
1 Tbsp Cinnamon

Instructions:
1) Pour batter into each baking cup until 1/4 full, then add 1 Tbsp filling to each cup. Top off each cup with more batter, stopping when cups are 2/3 full (overfilled cups will leak cinnamon goo all over your muffin pan, which is not fun to clean off after it’s hardened in the oven.)
2) Blend topping ingredients until coarse, & sprinkle on top of each cup. (Simple Easy Alternative: Sprinkle cups with white or brown sugar.)